Restoration Software, by Robert J. Binney.

 "Restoration Software," by Robert J. Binney, in The Killing Rain, edited by Jim Thomsen, Down and Out Books, 2024.

Let's talk humor.  Some stories are witty.  Some are quirky.  Some are downright farcical.  We are solidly in farce territory here.

This is the story of a Seattle private eye, not exactly a  native to the city, but one who has been kicking (ahem) around the northwest for a long time.  "He might be an eight-foot-tall mythological savage covered in mottled, tangled fur, but he was no dummy."

Yup. Sasquatch, P.I.

You may wonder how he could possibly do his work without being noticed, but that's not a problem.  

"I'm pretty good at being elusive."

His guest looked skeptical.

"Go ahead, try to take my picture."

But there is satire here too.  The villain is a highly recognizable Seattle type and his scheme is thoroughly Seattle-based.  Terrific story.

Where's Dookie? by Greg Fallis

 

"Where's Dookie?" by Greg Fallis, in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, May/June 2024.

This is the third appearance in this blog by Greg Fallis.  It is the second with these characters.

Hockney is a private eye.  Ellicott is an attorney for the Midwest Center for Artists' Rights. He hires Hockney after a painter's models are stolen.  The models are somewhat unusual because she a Kool-Aid artist, painting blown-up versions of classic Kool-Aid packets.

Seriously? Is there a market for such things?  Ellicott reminds Hockney that if a type of thing exists someone will collect them.  And some of those collectors want paintings of their precious items.

But, as I said, someone has swiped the painter's collection of packets.  What follows is a witty search for the loot and a man nicknamed Dookie (don't ask why).  I guessed the ending but that didn't stop me from enjoying this clever story.

Mine Eyes Dazzle, by M.K. Waller

 "Mine Eyes Dazzle," by M.K. Waller, in Dark of the Day, edited by Kaye George, Down and Out Books, 2024.

As you probably know by now, I read a lot of short stories.  I seldom take the time to reread one of them, but I did this one.  You might wind up doing the same.

Stephen is a blind lawyer, in his late forties.  Jean is his paralegal, almost a decade younger.  When they get married they declare the relationship a miracle, and it seems to be.

Until another miracle occurs; this time of the medical variety.  An experimental surgery provides Stephen with sight for the first time.  Suddenly he doesn't need Jean as he did before.

Things happen.  One of them is a total eclipse of the sun.  And that's all I will tell you about this clever story.

The Mysterious Woman in the Lifeguard Chair, by Bruce W. Most

 "The Mysterious Woman in the Lifeguard Chair," by Bruce W. Most, in Mystery Magazine, May 2024.

This is the second story by Most to get reviewed in this column and both have featured Weegee the Famous.  In real life Weegee was a freelance photographer, famous for his portraits of New York City at night, especially of crime scenes.

It's a hot summer night during World War II and Weegee is at Coney Island, using new infrared film to take pictures of lovers and other people hoping to find some relief from the heat on the beach.  He snaps a shot of a young woman alone in a lifeguard chair.

Two days later he gets a strange visitor: an angry man who somehow knows Weegee took a picture of the woman whom he claims was his sister. He offers an outrageous amount for the negative and any prints.  And then a woman's body is found...

Some nice twists and turns in this story which is rich in atmosphere.

 

Coming Attractions, by Vinnie Hansen

 

"Coming Attractions," by Vinnie Hansen, in Invasive Species: Stories by Northern California Crime Writers, edited by Josh Pachter, Sinc NorCal, 2024. 

Something different this week, science fiction, but crime as well.

Bill and Sara bought a maid.  Ester is a human-appearing robot with a certain uncanny-valley creepiness, but extremely efficient.

Until she starts reading mystery novels.  And, as it turns out, she is reading other kinds of books as well.

"We're not a story, Ester.  We're real life."

"I'M not real life."

The story manages to be creepy, funny, and thought-provoking at once.

The Lover of Eastlake, by Sam Wiebe

 "The Lover of Eastlake," by Sam Wiebe, in The Killing Rain, edited by Jim Thomsen, Down and Out Books, 2024.

This is the fourth time in thirteen years that I have reviewed stories by the same author two weeks in a row. Very different story, I assure you.

Rachel Miles is in Seattle Children's Hospital tonight.  The neonatal wing.  She just had her baby.  Not mine, of course, how could it be, she hasn't met me yet.  But that's okay. A baby is acceptable to me.  She and I have all the time in the world to start a family of our own.

Hoo boy.  We know a lot about this guy after  one paragraph, don't we?  He is delusional and obsessed with a woman who is, as it turns out, a married film star.  

He knows he has competition for her.  First, there is her husband.  And then there are the other fans.  "How I hate them all.  Loud, stupid, ugly, all crazy with emotion."

Crazy seems a very relevant word here. This guy is creepy and dangerous, and also full of slogans and ideas he gathered from self-help books. 

Nicely scary stuff.

The Barguzin Sable, by Sam Wiebe

 

"The Barguzin Sable," by Sam Wiebe, in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, March/April, 2024.

Let's talk Macguffins.

Some people use the word as a synonym for plot device.  Red herring? That's a Macguffin. Dying words clue? Another Macguffin.

Wrong. Alfred Hitchcock, who brought the term into storytelling use, had one specific meaning in mind.

A Macguffin is the Thing Everybody Wants: the quest object.  Sauron's Ring.  The ruby slippers.  The Maltese Freaking Falcon.

It can be valuable for many different reasons.  There's money or power, obviously, but it could also have sentimental or symbolic meaning.  It could also be an object of temptation.

And the great thing is, in one story it can be all those things to different characters.

David Wakeland is a Vancouver P.I. At his mother's request he investigates the home invasion of a neighbor that included her murder and the theft of her precious fur coat, a relic that came over from Russia a century before.  

It's a classic private eye investigation in many ways, with complicated family relationships and even includes the private eye getting the traditional bang on the head (although not, in this case, being knocked unconscious.

And, as I said, the sable turns out to mean many things to different people.  As one character says "You can't expect common sense from folks who wear weasel." Very clever denouement.

The Four-Nine Profile, by Richard Helms

 "The Four-Nine Profile," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, March/April 2024.

 This is the eleventh appearance in this blog by Richard Helms.

Write what you know; so the experts tell us.  Helms is following that advice here. He used to be a forensic psychologist, like his protagonist.

Helms makes an interesting choice for opening the story: Nathan Lake is interviewing a man who has pled guilty to sexual assault but denies he has done it. This turns out to be unrelated to the main plot, but we learn a lot about Lake's character, job and methods.  And the story does circle back to one part of that interview.

But after we see Lake in his milieu he is rudely forced out of it.  A serial rapist has turned to murder and the police chief wants him to analyze the unknown assailant before he strikes again.  Lake protests that he has no training as a profiler, could even lose his license for trying, but he is left with no choice.  Adding to the pressure, he is forced to work with a cop he doesn't trust.

A nice and suspenseful procedural.

I Remember it Well, by Wayne J. Gardiner

 "I Remember it Well," by Wayne J. Gardiner, in Black Cat Weekly, #134, 2024.

 This is the third story by Gardiner to get reviewed here.

It may be related to the aging of us baby-boomers but I have detected an increase over the last decade of stories about people with memory problems.   Seems like a theme better fit for shorts than novels, I think.

Charlie Hackett is an aging ex-cop and his memory has been failing for a while - in fact that's why he became an ex-cop.  At a funeral for a fellow veteran he spots a woman a decade younger and he is certain he knows her from somewhere.

Joanne Harner is sure she knows him and doesn't suspect that he can't recall the details of their previous encounter - one that was life-changing for her. 

Charlie, and the reader, slowly piece together his connection to Harner, and then Charlie -- for the second time -- has a decision to make.

A nice story about a man with interesting dilemmas.

No One Will Believe You, by Paul Ryan O'Connor

 

"No One Will Believe You," by Paul Ryan O'Connor, in Mystery Magazine, 2024.

Ayden is not a very lucky guy.  He's  a dishwasher at a restaurant in the South Bronx and shares an apartment with four people (since he provides the least rent money, he gets the couch).

But his troubles really begin when he gets mugged at gun point by the most famous actor in the world, Ted Pace.  (You won't have any trouble guessing who O'Connor was thinking of when he created this character.) 

“You can’t get away with this,” Ayden said . “You’re a movie star . I know who you are . Everyone knows who you are .”

“No one will believe you,” Ted Pace said...

And of course, he's right.  Telling the cops he was mugged by a movie star only gets Ayden in deep trouble.  Understandably, he finds it hard to let bygones be bygones, especially when something in his very empty stolen wallet turns out to be valuable.

Can our risk-averse hero find a way to beat the risk-loving celebrity?  With a little bit of luck in this very clever story, he will.