What's Her Name Today?, by Mark Billingham

 

"What's Her Name Today?, by Mark Billingham,  in What the World Needs Now: Mystery Stories Inspired by the Music of Burt Bacharach, edited by Martin Edwards, Level Best Books, 2026.

I haven't counted the words, but I think this is flash fiction, defined as a story under 1,000 words. (And that reminds me; I just purchased the brand-new book from the Library of America, American Flash Fiction: An Anthology.  I was surprised to see in the introduction that the editor included stories up to 1,500 words. If we're going to ignore the rules why not throw in a few novelettes?  But I digress.)

The reason for my parenthetical whining above is that writing a complete story under 1,000 words is a special problem, and  making one excellent is even harder. Adding 50% to  the word limit takes the pressure off.

Billingham has done a fine job here. His prompt is the title of a song by Burt Bacharach and Elvis Costello and he uses it cleverly.

The narrator is fixated on the title which he considers "a stupid and utterly pointless question." Yet it turns out to be highly relevant to his life, which may be one reason it annoys him so much.

I will stop here before my review gets longer than the story.

I'll Never Fall in Love Again, by Chris Curran

"I'll Never Fall in Love Again," by Chris Curran,  in What the World Needs Now: Mystery Stories Inspired by the Music of Burt Bacharach, edited by Martin Edwards, Level Best Books, 2026.

We talk a lot about twist endings, but twists don't have to come at the end of a story.  Sometime the alteration that turns everything on its head happens much earlier.

Sarah ran out of the house one night and was hit by a car.  Now she's in a coma and may or may not survive. Her husband, Harry, refuses to leave her bedside.

"What do I do if I go home? Pace the floor , phone you every half hour? I can't work, can't even think. At least when I'm here, I can see what's happening, or not happening. Couldn't bear to be away if she wakes up or..."

But then comes the twist, barely a third of the way through the story, and everything changes.  That's all I dare tell you about this well-written tale.

The Million Dollar Legs Matter, by Richard Helms

"The Million Dollar Legs Matter," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

This is Helms' thirteenth appearance in this blog.

I have whined here on more than one occasion about pastiches, where an author tries to tell us a new story about some other author's work.  Generally I only like them if they come at the concept from a different angle, not just producing Another Story About The Great Detective, for example.

A quick skim through my blog finds a Sherlock Holmes story that never mentions Sherlock Holmes. Another shows us Holmes through social media. Another follows a certain nameless detective, while a fourth tells us recent news about that P.I.'s agency.  I also enjoyed new adventures of Auguste Dupin and Mr. Moto.  And then there is a weird one that mimics both Doyle and a modern writer.

So that's seven in seventeen years of reviewing.  Not a lot, I would say.

Which brings us to today's adventure.  Back in the fifties there was a popular radio show called Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar, about a private eye.  The tales were told as he explained the items on his expense account.

Helms learned that Mr. Dollar was now in the public domain so he wrote what, as far as I know, is the first magazine story about "the man with the action-packed expense account."   Dollar is sent from Chicago to New York to investigate a possible case of insurance fraud. A ballet dancer is mugged and his knees smashed just weeks before his million dollar policy expires.  Clearly this is no mere robbery, but who is responsible?  There are plenty of suspects and the solution is complicated but satisfactory.  

I wouldn't mind reading another of Mr. Dollar's suspenseful, expenseful adventures. 

The Walkout, by Kevin Egan

 "The Walkout," by Kevin Egan, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

Last year I mentioned being surprised that I was reviewing a Kevin Egan story for the first time, since I had enjoyed many of his tales.  That's just how things go sometimes. Now I have to be surprised that this is the first time I reviewed one of his stories about Foxx, troubleshooter for the New York City judicial system.  When a judge goes hinky or a clerk disappears, Foxx is the guy who tries to make the problem disappear, quietly if possible.

But before we get into that let's get a little bit meta.  By definition a mystery story has a crime in it.  But what is a crime? An action which might be legal in one time and place might be forbidden in a different one.  And sometimes something that sure as hell seems like it should be a crime is perfectly legit.

I was thinking about this because I just finished reading The Zorg, by Siddharth Kara, a nonfiction book about one horrifying event that was part of the long chain that led to the elimination of slavery in the British empire. Things turned on one question: when, if ever, is it murder to throw enslaved people overboard to drown?

Which is not the subject of this story, but certainly it is reasonable to ask which parts of Egan's tale are criminal.

Foxx's problem this time is his boss, Major Edward Kearney, the senior officer in the main courthouse, and I do mean senior.  He is in his eighties and people have been pushing him to retire for decades, but he refuses to leave his office - in either sense of the word.

Complicating things is that the major has no valid birth certificate, making it hard to get his pension.  This leads to Foxx being sent to Ireland and the tiny village where Kearney was born. 

People familiar with a certain aspect of Irish history may guess part of what's coming (and I have never before read a short story on this subject). But I absolutely did not see where this fascinating tale was going to end.

 

The Ordnance Special, by James D. Crabtree

"The Ordnance Special," by James D. Crabtree, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

There are war crimes and then there are crimes that take place during wars. I have read a lot of short stories set involving soldiers during wars (and many more about home fronts or veterans).  As near as I can tell the only soldier stories that have made this list are one from World War I, two from World War II, and one from Viet Nam.  Oh, and if you consider the Bleeding Kansas era as a war, we can add one more.

And today we add a story from the Civil War.   

James Merrick is a major in the provost corps of the Confederate Army, meaning he is a military policeman.  In this case he has to solve a murder that took place in a town many miles away.

Oh, and he has exactly a half hour to find the killer. So, no pressure.

The killer is one of the officers arriving on the Ordnance Special, a train stuffed to the gills with weapons for the front. It cannot be long delayed for something as insignificant as the murder of one civilian, not when there are thousands of soldiers to be killed.

A nice reflection on death during war time, with a satisfactory solution. 

I'm going to do something I seldom do.  I want to point out the next story in the magazine: "Look Back With Kindly Eyes," by Dan Crawford. It's not a crime story so I won't review it here, but anyone who can make a a fantasy story at flash length both funny and thought-provoking deserves a mention.

 

No Property in a Witness, by Mat Coward

 "No Property in a Witness," by Mat Coward, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

This is the eleventh story by Coward to make it to this column.

There really ought to be some way, Robert thought, in which a criminal client could communicate guilt or innocence to their solicitor or barrister... Perhaps it would help if there were some sort of secret handshake? One squeeze for guilty, two for "No seriously, this time I mean it, genuinely not guilty."

As you may have guessed Robert is a barrister facing a shocking problem: his client, a long-time bank robber, apparently didn't commit the one he on trial for.  This throws Robert's entire planned defense into a tizzy.

Coward is a very witty writer, as this one demonstrates.

Treat or Trick, by Mark Thielman

 

"Treat or Trick," by Mark Thielman, in Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, Sept/Oct 2026.

 This is the twelfth appearance in this column by my fellow SleuthSayer. 

Ollie is at a job interview:

"You're here because Grinder recommended you. How do you know The Grind?"

"From around."

"He says you met at juvie.  That right?"

"My records are sealed so that I might move forward in life without the stigma," Ollie recited.

"You want the job, or don't you?"

"We met at juvie." 

 In that bit of chatter we learn a lot about the situation and also the personality of the protagonist. That personality will be a major point of the story since we don't see in his head and we want to figure out how he is reacting to  what's going on.

What's going on is a suspiciously easy job with a cooperative boss.  ROOK is a nonprofit that tries to improve the lives of young people.  And all Ollie needs to do this late October, is give out candy  to all the kids who come to the door.  What could be simpler? 

Do you smell something fishy?  Ollie certainly does.  And we read along, wondering what he plans to do about it.  There are nice clues along the way.  A witty, twisty tale. 

 

 

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, by Joseph Goodrich

 "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance," by Joseph Goodrich, in What the World Needs Now: Mystery Stories Inspired by the Music of Burt Bacharach, edited by Martin Edwards, Level Best Books, 2026.

So, what's a private eye story?

Glad you asked. A simple answer would be a story in which a major character is a private eye.  But it is not that easy.

When the Private Eye Writers of America created the Shamus Awards they said any story qualified if the protagonist was a non-government  worker paid to investigate a crime.  I think of this as the Scudder Exception since one of the best private dicks of the time was Lawrence Block's Matt Scudder who did not have a P.I. license.  As he put it, he sometimes did favors for friends and sometimes they gave him  gifts.   

The typical non-P.I. starring in a private eye story is a lawyer or reporter, but Goodrich offers something different.  Howie Feldstein is a New York auctioneer and appraiser. A producer friend has flown him out to Hollywood to check the authenticity of a photograph he has been offered: one supposedly shot on the set of The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, and featuring none other than President Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe.  Invaluable if it is real.

Feldstein's investigation takes him down a number of rabbit holes, not least of which are a missing woman and, eventually a killing.  This is a nice example of a private eye story without a P.I. license or rundown office in sight. 

Oh, spoiler alert: This story does reveal key points of the plot of the movie. If you haven't seen the flick do watch it.

Good Fences, by Terena Elizabeth Bell

"Good Fences," by Terena Elizabeth Bell in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, July/August 2026. 

If you are going to use one of the classic tropes of the genre (spouse planning to kill spouse, criminal forced to commit One Last Job, etc.) you had better find some way to make your story stand out from the mob.

As I have said before, one of the characteristics that makes a tale stand out for me is heightened language.  That is, the words are doing more than carrying the reader from the title to THE END.  In effect, they are expressing a view of the world.

This classic trope here is feuding neighbors.  Harlan and Leon are both lawn-proud and when moles invade their property each is determined to send the beasties to the other side.  

As for heightened language, this is what happens after one of our boys is dissatisfied with "his wife's third cousin once removed" who he hired to reseed the lawn:

So Harlan said to H on the boy then told his wife to get their money back, but Ethyl said, Now Harlan, and he calmed down just enough to let the matter go. 

This is more than informal writing, this feels like someone is telling you the story orally.  Imagine how different it would be if  the tale was written in the more standard style: When the grass grew back spotty Harlan said "To hell with that boy. You need to get the money back." All the flavor would go out of it.

This story is a lot of fun. 

 

 

A Lost Dream, by Dave Zeltserman

 

"A Lost Dream," by Dave Zeltserman, in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, July/August 2026.

This is the second story by Zeltserman to make my page.  

Ah, what we have is a breath of fresh noir.  The formula of classic noir is the American dream seen through a funhouse mirror:  A nobody tries to make something of himself,  but his method is connected to  a crime and  the universe stomps him.  But this story takes an interesting twist on the formula.

When the tale starts Dan Sutton is already a successful burglar, but one night he has a dream (an American dream)  of the perfect crime.  In the morning he can't remember it and he is so upset he tells his girlfriend, who doesn't realize what he does for a living.

To save his relationship, and because no crime is as good as the one he dreamed, he seeks a way to go straight.  He succeeds, but as is so often the case in noir, you can change yourself but the hard part is changing your past. A very satisfying tale.