Get a Life, by Judith Janeway

"Get a Life," by Judith Janeway, in Fault Lines: Stories by Northern California Crime Writers, edited by Margaret Lucke, 2019.

This is a books of stories by members of the Northern California chapter of Sisters in Crime.

Our narrator is an identity thief and she cheerfully explains all the tricks of her trade.  She's verygood at it but she gets a little too obsessed with her latest conquest, if I may use that term.  She not only steals Nadine Gale's credit cards and steals her money, but she starts dressing like her.  Even though, she insists, it's nothing personal.

Nadine, the original Nadine, oddly enough, gets quite grumpy about all this.  She even tracks her copy down but is unable to get any restitution.  But she doesn't quit easily.

Watch out, Nadine.  Nadine is on your trail.  I didn't see what was coming in this twisty tale.

Black Cow, by Linda Joffe Hull

"Black Cow," by Linda Joffe Hull, in Die Behind the Wheel, edited by Brian Thornton, Down and Out Books, 2019.

All the stories in this book are inspired by Steely Dan songs.  I must confess I am not a huge fan of the band, having their greatest hits album and no more.  Had never heard "Black Cow" as far as I know.  But the story is good.

In French black is noir, and this story certainly qualifies.  To review: in essence noir is the American Dream curdled and spoiled.  A person of no importance tries to Make Something of Himself (could be a herself, but it usually isn't), but his plan is inherently flawed, since it involves robbing a bank, or killing his girlfriend's husband, or...  Bad things happen.

So, this story is classic noir.  It is also in second person singular, which I find annoying.  As I have said before, first versus third is a choice.  Second is always a gimmick.  But it didn't bother me this time.

Our protagonist, "You," meets Debra in a bar.  She is an attractive woman, and very upset because she just discovered her husband Kenny is cheating on her.

You should be asking yourself why you're willing to exploit a woman in such a fragile state, but instead find yourself wondering how Cheatin' Kenny makes bank.

So, You are in the market for a little adulterous fun and it turns out Debra is too.  It would be wise if You left it at that but noir doesn't work like that.  Instead You become obsessed and arrange to meet Debra again. And again...

If you have read much noir you can already list a few ways this story can turn out.  If any of the classic angles  had been used this story would probably not be my pick of the week.  Hull has found a new and original hole to drop her protagonist into and I liked it a lot.

I'll Be You, by Travis Richardson

"I'll Be You," by Travis Richardson, in The Desperate and the Damned, edited by Sandra Ruttan, Toe Six Press, 2019.

Third appearance here by Richardson.  Chris met Kevin when they were both playing hockey in high school.  Kevin was trouble back then, dealing drugs, doing worse things.  Now its twenty-years later and he sees only one way out of his difficulty.  Swap faces, and lives, with Chris.  Chris isn't in favor of this but, hey, he doesn't get a vote.

Highly implausible but as fast moving as a hockey game.

Stealth, by Merrilee Robson

"Stealth," by Merrilee Robson, in The Desperate and the Damned, edited by Sandra Ruttan, Toe Six Press, 2019.

I wonder if the aging of the baby-boomers is going to result in a glut of crime fiction about dealing with dementia, incontinence, and nursing homes?  Or are we already there?

Enid suffers from dementia.  Can't really speak.  Wonders why an adult woman is claiming to be her little daughter.

But when a man slips into her room and starts rifling through her belongings she knows he doesn't belong there.  Turns out he's a neighbor.  Turns out she's the only one who knows what he's up to, and other people are getting in trouble for his crimes.

Can Enid find a way to reveal the truth?  Her solution, very clever indeed, is actually quite biblical.

Minerva James and the Goddess of Justice, by Mark Bruce

"Minerva James and the Goddess of Justice," by Mark Bruce, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine.  July/August 2019.

I have a fondness for the Black Orchid Novella Award, and not just because I won it once.  Co-sponsored by AHMM and the Wolfe Pack, it is intended to honor and promote the novella genre used by one of my favorite authors, Rex Stout. The rules do not require you to copy Stout's format, but most of the winners do.  (Typically that means a mastermind detective, a narrator/legman, and a final gathering of suspects.)

Let's get to Mark Bruce's winning entry.  In 1962 Carson Robinson is a private eye in Sacramento, California.  He was recently in the army, in "a place you never heard of called Vietnam... I was an advisor."  They didn't like his advice, which was "to get out of that godforsaken jungle as fast as we could..."

He is hired by Minerva James, a famous defense lawyer.

Why would a high-class act like Minerva James summon a beaten veteran like me?  I had only just obtained my license after two years of struggle and an initial failure to pass the licensing exam.

There is a murder case but she makes it clear that their job is not to catch a killer but to  find evidence to exculpate her client.

"Mr Robinson, if I asked you to do something dirty and underhanded, would you do it?"
"No," I said.  She looked at me in surprise.
"II thought you needed work," she said.
"I need a soul too."

It's going to be an interesting relationship.  Makes for a good story.

The Three Camillas, by William Burton McCormick

"The Three Camillas," by William Burton McCormick, Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine,  July/August 2019.

This is the third appearance here by McCormick and the second for Quintus the Clever.  But our hero, if that's the right word, takes a while to arrive.

The story is set during the rule of Caligula the mad in the Roman empire.  The narrator is Camilla Tertia, which is to say, the third Camilla.  ("Siblings with identical names, especially amongst girls, were common in conservative and affluent families...")

Tertia is twelve and, she reports proudly, "already considered far and wide the scoundrel and gossip of the family."  Reports have not been exaggerated.

Her sister Secunda is about to make an unhappy marriage.  Tertia decides it can be prevented if her expensive engagement ring is lost - a bad omen!  And who better to make it disappear than the luckless thief she meets after he is caught and whipped?

Quintus is clever enough to want nothing to do with her - what's Latin for hellcat? - but she doesn't give him much choice.  The best part of the story is their conversations.

"Be an honest man, Quintus, and rob my sister!"

The Tourist, by B.K.Stevens

"The Tourist," by B.K.Stevens, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, July/August 2019.

This is the second appearance on this page by my fellow SleuthSayer,the late B.K. Stevens.


They'd brought him no joy, those first three murders...

So the story begins.

Where do you hide a leaf?  In a forest.  And of there is no forest?  You create one.  G.K. Chesterton had Father Brown say that that was a fearful sin. Ecologists might disagree, but now we are scrambling our metaphor.

Charles has decided to kill his annoying wife.  He want to disguise it as the work of a serial killer.  That means killing several other women first, creating his own forest, so to speak.

Of course, if you have read a few hundred crime stories you know something is going to go wrong with this clever plot.  The question is: what will the fatal problem be?  I certainly didn't see it coming.

My favorite part is that the event I expected to be the climax is tossed off in a sentence. Hell, in a clause.  Lovely bit of misdirection there,.

I don't know if this will be B.K.'s last published piece.  If so, it is a good note to go out on.

Spirit River Dam, by Susan Daly

"Spirit River Dam," by Susan Daly, in The Best Laid Plans, edited by Judy Penz Sheluk, Superior Shores Press, 2019.

There is art forgery, of course, but there is also art fraud.

What would you do if you found a painting that appears in every way to be a fine example of a painting by a famous (and profitable) artist - except for the tiny detail that it is dated a few years after his death?  What if that date is in pencil and easy to erase?

That's the dilemma faced by art dealer Imogen when her ex-husband shows up with a painting he inherited from his late mother.  Just a little erasure will make the painting a treasure!  What could possibly go wrong?

For an answer, please see the title of the anthology.

The story has a very clever surprise.

Ladies Day at the Olympia Car Wash, by Andrew Nette

"Ladies Day at the Olympia Car Wash," by Andrew Nette, in A Time For Violence, edited by Andy Rausch and Chris Roy, Close to the Bone, 2019.

Welcome to Australia.  The narrator works at a car wash, a job his friend Buddha got him as a reward for not fingering him after an unsuccessful robbery.  Buddha wants to try another crime but our hero, having been burned with a term in prison is shy about trying again.  Then a woman comes to the car wash, needing some special treatment for her vehicle...

This story is mostly about mood.  For example:

Just after nine and already the temperature is in the early thirties according to the announcer on the classic hits radio station that gets piped through the speaker on the office wall.

"Going to be a hot one today," I say, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, suppose so."  Buddha drops his half-smoked nail on the ground next to the grey tray of dirty sand labelled Please deposit cigarette butts here.

'Mocking Season, by Christi Clancy

"'Mocking Season," by Christi Clancy, in Milwaukee Noir, edited by Tim Hennessy, Akashic Press, 2019.

The publisher sent me an advance reading copy of this book.

This is a disturbing story, and I mean that as a compliment.  Here is how it starts:

Back when there were still trees in Whitefish Bay, the boys started sleeping in the hammocks they hung from them.

All sorts of things are foreshadowed in that simple sentence.

Whitefish Bay is apparently a pleasant bit of suburbia until it disturbed by the arrival of Erin, who we might perhaps call a middle-aged hippy.  She lived in the one home that was not visible from the street, which disturbs the keepers of community norms, "the mothers," who feel that "It didn't seem right to live where you couldn't be seen."

More importantly, her son Leif was so charismatic that all the boys in the neighborhood start to copy him - including 'mocking, or sleeping outdoors in hammocks.  They also take up marimba, an instrument at which Leif is expert.

But what disturbs the mothers even more is that Erin lets her yard run wild.  While everyone else is battling bugs and weeds with ever increasing doses of of chemicals, she listens to her boyfriend Cody, a horticulturalist who takes a more organic route.  This leads to conflict which leads to, well. other things.

You may say that the reactions of some of the characters are unrealistic, but that is precisely what makes the story so disturbing.   It reminded me of a certain novel and a certain short story, but that would be giving away too much.

A fine story.