The Million Dollar Legs Matter, by Richard Helms

"The Million Dollar Legs Matter," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

This is Helms' thirteenth appearance in this blog.

I have whined here on more than one occasion about pastiches, where an author tries to tell us a new story about some other author's work.  Generally I only like them if they come at the concept from a different angle, not just producing Another Story About The Great Detective, for example.

A quick skim through my blog finds a Sherlock Holmes story that never mentions Sherlock Holmes. Another shows us Holmes through social media. Another follows a certain nameless detective, while a fourth tells us recent news about that P.I.'s agency.  I also enjoyed new adventures of Auguste Dupin and Mr. Moto.  And then there is a weird one that mimics both Doyle and a modern writer.

So that's seven in seventeen years of reviewing.  Not a lot, I would say.

Which brings us to today's adventure.  Back in the fifties there was a popular radio show called Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar, about a private eye.  The tales were told as he explained the items on his expense account.

Helms learned that Mr. Dollar was now in the public domain so he wrote what, as far as I know, is the first magazine story about "the man with the action-packed expense account."   Dollar is sent from Chicago to New York to investigate a possible case of insurance fraud. A ballet dancer is mugged and his knees smashed just weeks before his million dollar policy expires.  Clearly this is no mere robbery, but who is responsible?  There are plenty of suspects and the solution is complicated but satisfactory.  

I wouldn't mind reading another of Mr. Dollar's suspenseful, expenseful adventures. 

The Walkout, by Kevin Egan

 "The Walkout," by Kevin Egan, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

Last year I mentioned being surprised that I was reviewing a Kevin Egan story for the first time, since I had enjoyed many of his tales.  That's just how things go sometimes. Now I have to be surprised that this is the first time I reviewed one of his stories about Foxx, troubleshooter for the New York City judicial system.  When a judge goes hinky or a clerk disappears, Foxx is the guy who tries to make the problem disappear, quietly if possible.

But before we get into that let's get a little bit meta.  By definition a mystery story has a crime in it.  But what is a crime? An action which might be legal in one time and place might be forbidden in a different one.  And sometimes something that sure as hell seems like it should be a crime is perfectly legit.

I was thinking about this because I just finished reading The Zorg, by Siddharth Kara, a nonfiction book about one horrifying event that was part of the long chain that led to the elimination of slavery in the British empire. Things turned on one question: when, if ever, is it murder to throw enslaved people overboard to drown?

Which is not the subject of this story, but certainly it is reasonable to ask which parts of Egan's tale are criminal.

Foxx's problem this time is his boss, Major Edward Kearney, the senior officer in the main courthouse, and I do mean senior.  He is in his eighties and people have been pushing him to retire for decades, but he refuses to leave his office - in either sense of the word.

Complicating things is that the major has no valid birth certificate, making it hard to get his pension.  This leads to Foxx being sent to Ireland and the tiny village where Kearney was born. 

People familiar with a certain aspect of Irish history may guess part of what's coming (and I have never before read a short story on this subject). But I absolutely did not see where this fascinating tale was going to end.

 

The Ordnance Special, by James D. Crabtree

"The Ordnance Special," by James D. Crabtree, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

There are war crimes and then there are crimes that take place during wars. I have read a lot of short stories set involving soldiers during wars (and many more about home fronts or veterans).  As near as I can tell the only soldier stories that have made this list are one from World War I, two from World War II, and one from Viet Nam.  Oh, and if you consider the Bleeding Kansas era as a war, we can add one more.

And today we add a story from the Civil War.   

James Merrick is a major in the provost corps of the Confederate Army, meaning he is a military policeman.  In this case he has to solve a murder that took place in a town many miles away.

Oh, and he has exactly a half hour to find the killer. So, no pressure.

The killer is one of the officers arriving on the Ordnance Special, a train stuffed to the gills with weapons for the front. It cannot be long delayed for something as insignificant as the murder of one civilian, not when there are thousands of soldiers to be killed.

A nice reflection on death during war time, with a satisfactory solution. 

I'm going to do something I seldom do.  I want to point out the next story in the magazine: "Look Back With Kindly Eyes," by Dan Crawford. It's not a crime story so I won't review it here, but anyone who can make a a fantasy story at flash length both funny and thought-provoking deserves a mention.

 

No Property in a Witness, by Mat Coward

 "No Property in a Witness," by Mat Coward, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2026.

This is the eleventh story by Coward to make it to this column.

There really ought to be some way, Robert thought, in which a criminal client could communicate guilt or innocence to their solicitor or barrister... Perhaps it would help if there were some sort of secret handshake? One squeeze for guilty, two for "No seriously, this time I mean it, genuinely not guilty."

As you may have guessed Robert is a barrister facing a shocking problem: his client, a long-time bank robber, apparently didn't commit the one he on trial for.  This throws Robert's entire planned defense into a tizzy.

Coward is a very witty writer, as this one demonstrates.