Squirrel Day Afternoon, by Gregory Fallis

 

"Squirrel Day Afternoon," by Gregory Fallis, in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, November/December 2025.

This is the fifth story by Gregory Fallis to land on my best-of page.

This is a very witty story.

Chonk and Twomey are ex-cops, now private eye partners. They are dining on buttermilk-fried Squirrel nuggets when a potential client calls.  ('Never answer the phone,' Chonk said.")

Robbie Waterman is a privileged jerk with a potentially serious problem.  His disgruntled college student daughter just stole one of his guns.  Well, not stole.  Just borrowed, maybe. He's afraid she may be about to pawn it.  Our heroes are afraid she might have something worse in mind.

This could turn into a nasty story about an active shooter on campus but as it happens Fallis has other ideas.  

There was something smug and self-satisfied bout the [professor's] office that made Chonk want to feed him bugs and flies. He probably didn't deserve to be shot by a disgruntled student, Chonk thought, but it was a close thing.

Like I said, very witty.