The Four-Nine Profile, by Richard Helms

 "The Four-Nine Profile," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, March/April 2024.

 This is the eleventh appearance in this blog by Richard Helms.

Write what you know; so the experts tell us.  Helms is following that advice here. He used to be a forensic psychologist, like his protagonist.

Helms makes an interesting choice for opening the story: Nathan Lake is interviewing a man who has pled guilty to sexual assault but denies he has done it. This turns out to be unrelated to the main plot, but we learn a lot about Lake's character, job and methods.  And the story does circle back to one part of that interview.

But after we see Lake in his milieu he is rudely forced out of it.  A serial rapist has turned to murder and the police chief wants him to analyze the unknown assailant before he strikes again.  Lake protests that he has no training as a profiler, could even lose his license for trying, but he is left with no choice.  Adding to the pressure, he is forced to work with a cop he doesn't trust.

A nice and suspenseful procedural.

Shooting Stars, by Richard Helms

"Shooting Stars," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, September/October 2015.

Mr. Helms makes his third appearance on this page, with his second story in this series.  (Here is the first.)

Boy Boatright is a down-on-his-luck police detective, as you can tell from this opening sentence:

Even after the crime-scene guys finished wrecking it, Nigel Bowles's trailer looked nicer than my apartment.

Lovely.  Bowles is, or was, the favorite judge on a top TV talent show, visiting town to film a special episode.  Everyone involved in the series had multiple reasons to want him dead, and most had opportunities.


But that isn't Boatright's real problem.  That would be the fact that one of the other judges is a client of an alleged psychic with the amazing name of Bowie Crapster, and he is the reason Boyright keeps threatening to retire.  Forced, again to work with the Crapster - No more than five and a half feet tall, built like the Pillsbury Doughboy, resplendent in an Italian ice-cream suit with silk cravat and gleaming white patent-leather shoes. His hair, cut in a sort of Caesar style with short bleached bangs, was reflected in his silver Elvis sunglasses.  He looked like a Good Humor Man in Key West. - our hero threatens to resign , but that would spoil the fun.

Crapster isn't quite as charmingly annoying this time, largely because he explains to Boatright and us how he achieves some of his allegedly mystical effects.  A nice example of working your way through the suspects.

One complaint:  Helms is stuck with the names he chose for his heroes but with so many letters in the alphabet why does this story include: Boy Boatwright, Bowie, Belinda, Billy, Baggs, and Bliss?  Why make it harder for the reader to keep the characters straight?

Spear Carriers, by Richard Helms

 "Spear Carriers," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, November/December 2023.

As far as I can tell, this is only the second time an author has appeared in my best-of column twice in the same month.  Even more impressive (to me, at any rate), this is Helms' tenth story to make it here, which puts him in a tie for first place with Mark Thielman, Joseph S. Walker, and Terence Faherty.  

Dave and Sam have bit parts in a Broadway play, as policemen.  They only show up at the very end which leaves them with a lot of time on their hands.  One night Dave goes out for a bite and the clerk gives him his food for free. "Thank you for your service."

This happens because Dave is wearing his costume - which is to say, something that looks very much like a police uniform.

Hmm...

Dave reports this to Sam who is the imaginative type.  I'll bet you can think of some of the plans he comes up with.  And being brighter than Sam you can probably foresee some of the things that could go wrong.

But not all of the ones Helms dreams up. 

Clever plot and very funny writing.  

"If we're caught, we'll be fired!" I yelled.

"We're actors!" Sam yelled back.  "Getting fired is part of the deal!"

Noble Rot, by Richard Helms

"Noble Rot," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, May/June 2020.

This is the fifth appearance in this slot by Richard Helms, and the third in for this series.

I recently wrote about the ambiguity of some subgenres.  It occurs to me  that I would not like to be on the Shamus Awards committee that has to decide whether this is a private eye story.

The narrator is definitely not a P.I. Boy Boatwright is a cop.  But he is really playing a reluctant Watson to Bowie Crapster.  The Crapster (wonderful name) is not a P.I. either.  He makes his living as a psychic and part of his shtick is using his alleged  magical powers to solve crimes. Does that qualify?  Beats me.

Boy and Bowie don't get along too well.  Witness this piece of phone conversation.

"There's been a murder."
"Please tell me you're the victim."

Ha ha.  Actually a woman has been slain at a winery during a fundraising party full of the rich and influential.  And since Crapster is a friend of the wealthy host/winemaker Boy has to tread lightly.

Helms is juggling a lot of balls in this story.  He has to tell a coherent story, provide clues, and allow Boy to figure out a non-psychic explanation for Crapster's apparently mystical solution. It's a lot of fun.

The Scarlatti Skip, by Richard Helms

"The Scarlatti Skip," by Richard Helms, in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, January/February 2025.

 This is the twelfth story by Helms to reach this blog.

Private eye Eamon Gold does a lot of skip tracing for bail bonders but this assignment is more preventative: Keep an eye on the Fiddle Killer and make sure she doesn't run. So why is Veronica Scarlatti called the Fiddle Killer? 

"'Darren Wojohowski was learning to play,' Doogie said.  'According to the police reports, his progress was slow. His girlfriend Veronica became irritated and emptied her revolver into the violin. Tragically it was tucked under Darren's chin at the time.'"

Some of us may be inclined to sympathize.  But Veronica, an attractive young woman, knows she is looking at "twenty years in a box."  She swears she just wants to spend the last few days in unsupervised peace, but Eamon is being paid to keep her under supervision. 

You will not be surprised to know she makes a run for it.  Things get complicated.  Then they get worse.  A very enjoyable story.